Morality
I was just reading on bible.com, and I clicked a link about sex before marriage. It said all the things someone might expect from a religious site, about fornication and failing to trust God by abstaining until marriage.
I am conflicted about this.
In the most general of perspectives, I agree wholeheartedly that abstinence from sex outside marriage is definitely the way to go. Abstinence removes the chances of disease, unplanned pregnancy, and emotional baggage. It lets us preserve our bodies and our hearts for something worthwhile enough in which to invest them. I don't believe in living together as a "trial run" for marriage; you're committed or you're not, and if you're committed, then get married and live together. That half and half, with one foot in, merging all your finances and practical lifestyles without some kind of social, emotional, and spiritual protection is no way to lay a foundation for the future.
On the other hand, I understand how the sex drive is almost like being hungry. Sometimes, for some people, sex can be an end in itself, not a communion deepening the bond between a husband and wife, but a physical behavior reasserting our ability to feel physically, verifying our humanity, especially when the people know and like one another, have reached the ages of consent (both legal and practical), understand the emotional ramifications if any, and take all appropriate precautions to eliminate the chances of disease and pregnancy. That being said, I don't excuse those who use one another as mere instruments. I don't excuse casual sex or predatory people of both sexes. I don't excuse those with torrid pasts who'd never dream of marrying someone without "trying him/her out" to ensure physical compatibility, now that they know better. Frankly, actually, I don't excuse any of it, or myself, but I do understand it. Their eyes are not on the love, their eyes are on the hunger.
So, yes, I agree the generally speaking, sex outside of marriage is unwise. It's like living together and merging assets without practical protection. If you're going to merge bodies, which are so much more vulnerable than assets, then why not afford yourself that same social, emotional, and spiritual protection from marriage? However, what two grown, single, independent, financially responsible adults choose to do in their own homes with the shades drawn lies, literally and figuratively, between the two of them. People's sex lives are their own business, unless they as for my opinion or advice, or unless somehow, their behavior impinges upon my own liberties (like, I can ask that they not sleep together in my house, that they not make me an audience for their performance, or that they eschew elaboration on said subject before my hypothetical young children or any actual young children in the vicinity, say).
However, if they're not grown, not single, not independent, and not financially responsible, then heck yes, I have a lot more to say about it. Their behavior can create consequences beyond them, and that is selfish in the extreme.
I've got the past I have, and as I sit here, I don't regret any of it, but I do think I'd do things differently if I could go back. Some of it I'd eliminate, and some of it I'd change... and some of it I'd leave exactly the same.
I believe that God wants each of us to become the people he meant for us to be. We're all a combination of gifts and talents that can grow to extraordinary fruition if we ally ourselves to our values and focus on what's important for a well-lived life. Wallowing in any excessive behaviors... gluttony, fornication, and the other five deadly sins... clouds our vision and prevents us from realizing our potential. Addictions serve to sever our ability to access our gifts... and having sex for the sake of having sex -- and risking a bunch of spiritual and practical difficult consequences -- thus seems kind of pointless at best and counterproductive at worst. Too bad most of us can realize this with our minds when the hardware governing our sex drives has a manual override button.
I am conflicted about this.
In the most general of perspectives, I agree wholeheartedly that abstinence from sex outside marriage is definitely the way to go. Abstinence removes the chances of disease, unplanned pregnancy, and emotional baggage. It lets us preserve our bodies and our hearts for something worthwhile enough in which to invest them. I don't believe in living together as a "trial run" for marriage; you're committed or you're not, and if you're committed, then get married and live together. That half and half, with one foot in, merging all your finances and practical lifestyles without some kind of social, emotional, and spiritual protection is no way to lay a foundation for the future.
On the other hand, I understand how the sex drive is almost like being hungry. Sometimes, for some people, sex can be an end in itself, not a communion deepening the bond between a husband and wife, but a physical behavior reasserting our ability to feel physically, verifying our humanity, especially when the people know and like one another, have reached the ages of consent (both legal and practical), understand the emotional ramifications if any, and take all appropriate precautions to eliminate the chances of disease and pregnancy. That being said, I don't excuse those who use one another as mere instruments. I don't excuse casual sex or predatory people of both sexes. I don't excuse those with torrid pasts who'd never dream of marrying someone without "trying him/her out" to ensure physical compatibility, now that they know better. Frankly, actually, I don't excuse any of it, or myself, but I do understand it. Their eyes are not on the love, their eyes are on the hunger.
So, yes, I agree the generally speaking, sex outside of marriage is unwise. It's like living together and merging assets without practical protection. If you're going to merge bodies, which are so much more vulnerable than assets, then why not afford yourself that same social, emotional, and spiritual protection from marriage? However, what two grown, single, independent, financially responsible adults choose to do in their own homes with the shades drawn lies, literally and figuratively, between the two of them. People's sex lives are their own business, unless they as for my opinion or advice, or unless somehow, their behavior impinges upon my own liberties (like, I can ask that they not sleep together in my house, that they not make me an audience for their performance, or that they eschew elaboration on said subject before my hypothetical young children or any actual young children in the vicinity, say).
However, if they're not grown, not single, not independent, and not financially responsible, then heck yes, I have a lot more to say about it. Their behavior can create consequences beyond them, and that is selfish in the extreme.
I've got the past I have, and as I sit here, I don't regret any of it, but I do think I'd do things differently if I could go back. Some of it I'd eliminate, and some of it I'd change... and some of it I'd leave exactly the same.
I believe that God wants each of us to become the people he meant for us to be. We're all a combination of gifts and talents that can grow to extraordinary fruition if we ally ourselves to our values and focus on what's important for a well-lived life. Wallowing in any excessive behaviors... gluttony, fornication, and the other five deadly sins... clouds our vision and prevents us from realizing our potential. Addictions serve to sever our ability to access our gifts... and having sex for the sake of having sex -- and risking a bunch of spiritual and practical difficult consequences -- thus seems kind of pointless at best and counterproductive at worst. Too bad most of us can realize this with our minds when the hardware governing our sex drives has a manual override button.
posted by bluedana @ 8:20 AM
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