Reasons
Top Seven Things that Bugged Me about TCMT
7. Generally, he didn't have friends. Well, he had one friend, but that's all, and he was pretty clear about how hard it is for men to find men-friends to be close without it being weird, which was a factor in him wanting a relationship. This raised a red flag to me... my ex husband didn't have friends, either. Psychologically sound people can find, make, and sustain friends. People without friends are peculiar.
6. He whined. He seemed to need a lot of attention, and if he didn't get it like he expected, he'd whine like a little kid. Sometimes, I wanted to smack him, as I'd want to smack a little kid.
5. Insecurity. His selfless good deeds toward me were really thinly-veiled attempts to gain repeated affirmation from me. Maybe this isn't so unusual for a man to try and do something nice for a woman he likes, but it's definitely unusual for the woman to hate it as much as I did. Like, he'd bring me something I didn't even necessarily want, and he expected me to go on about how great it was, or he'd be hurt and morose. I found it hard to be grateful for even the gesture when I felt browbeated to provide positive reinforcement. Now, when I mean to do something nice for someone, I do it because the action itself brings pleasure to me, and a "thanks" is all I'd expect in return. He'd actually follow up... "Did you like the ______? You haven't tried them yet? But WHYYYY?"
4. His dog. A ninety pound dog. Dog hair. Dog neediness. TCMT's hangdog expression when I said I didn't want the dog in my house. "You don't LIKE him?" whine whine
3. He tended to make excuses and blame others for stuff at work that happened. Not heavy on the personal responsibility, even if the excuses WERE legitimate.
2. Questionable ethics. I think (and I can't remember if he actually did this around me, if he told me about it later, or if I drew my own conclusions based on his behavior) he'd not return extra change or go back to a store to correct a mistake in his favor. I do that. The man in my life whom I respect or admire would do this. Someone who takes advantage of a business might not stop at businesses. Cheap. Coming up with great ideas to help me out -- then expecting me to pitch in... if it's HIS idea, ought not HE take care of it?
1. Lack of care... like giving himself a terrible haircut... eating spoiled food... waiting to take care of dental problems... not making himself important and taking care that he's well groomed and finished around the edges. A man who can't take care of himself can't take care of anybody else.
7. Generally, he didn't have friends. Well, he had one friend, but that's all, and he was pretty clear about how hard it is for men to find men-friends to be close without it being weird, which was a factor in him wanting a relationship. This raised a red flag to me... my ex husband didn't have friends, either. Psychologically sound people can find, make, and sustain friends. People without friends are peculiar.
6. He whined. He seemed to need a lot of attention, and if he didn't get it like he expected, he'd whine like a little kid. Sometimes, I wanted to smack him, as I'd want to smack a little kid.
5. Insecurity. His selfless good deeds toward me were really thinly-veiled attempts to gain repeated affirmation from me. Maybe this isn't so unusual for a man to try and do something nice for a woman he likes, but it's definitely unusual for the woman to hate it as much as I did. Like, he'd bring me something I didn't even necessarily want, and he expected me to go on about how great it was, or he'd be hurt and morose. I found it hard to be grateful for even the gesture when I felt browbeated to provide positive reinforcement. Now, when I mean to do something nice for someone, I do it because the action itself brings pleasure to me, and a "thanks" is all I'd expect in return. He'd actually follow up... "Did you like the ______? You haven't tried them yet? But WHYYYY?"
4. His dog. A ninety pound dog. Dog hair. Dog neediness. TCMT's hangdog expression when I said I didn't want the dog in my house. "You don't LIKE him?" whine whine
3. He tended to make excuses and blame others for stuff at work that happened. Not heavy on the personal responsibility, even if the excuses WERE legitimate.
2. Questionable ethics. I think (and I can't remember if he actually did this around me, if he told me about it later, or if I drew my own conclusions based on his behavior) he'd not return extra change or go back to a store to correct a mistake in his favor. I do that. The man in my life whom I respect or admire would do this. Someone who takes advantage of a business might not stop at businesses. Cheap. Coming up with great ideas to help me out -- then expecting me to pitch in... if it's HIS idea, ought not HE take care of it?
1. Lack of care... like giving himself a terrible haircut... eating spoiled food... waiting to take care of dental problems... not making himself important and taking care that he's well groomed and finished around the edges. A man who can't take care of himself can't take care of anybody else.
posted by bluedana @ 8:08 AM
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