Free
An annoying thing just happened.
The HL's cousin M just called to check in. We shot the breeze about not much at all, including that her aunt, the HL's mother, had a gift for me that the woman brought from a holiday trip. The HL had emailed me that if I'd accept the gift, how could he get it to me? Well, I'd hoped M could take care of it, and I reiterated that hope, which would nullifying the need for me to deal with the HL at all. Well, M said she'd rather not. She doesn't "want to get into the middle of anything."
At first I was annoyed, perhaps selfishly. What's there to get in the middle of? They're her family, after all! But then a lightbulb went off in my head. I need to be out of it with all of them, too, not just with the HL. It's not dumping the boyfriend unless it's also dumping his family, because I can't have one with having something of the other. If I need to get away from him, in other words, I have to get away from them too. So whether they know it or not, they shouldn't be buying me gifts anymore, either. It's OVER. For all of us.
Speaking confidentally, I have some doubts about M's integrity anyway, of late. She's a divorced mom of two older children, and she has an unfortunately unproductive relationship with them. In fact, she confided tonight that her son, who's a 10th grader but who should be in 11th grade, now wants to drop out of school. Her daughter lives by choice with the ex-husband, because "she gets away with more there," according to M. In fact, this little girl actually called CPS on M once in the past; M had an explanation for all that drama, placing blame for erroneous and premature judgement on her daughter's slender shoulders, but M does admit to slapping her. My mom's slapped me; frankly, maybe in that instance it was justified. But the overall pattern is one of complete breakdown. It's as though she stopped being a mom, a real mom, when she stopped being a wife. Now she's a caricature of a mom. That is, she tries, but neither she nor her ex-husband appear to have any authority or influence over the emotional or practical welfare of their children, who've fallen completely between the cracks. M complains about them incessantly and lectures them mightily, and what's more, she seems surprised when they don't shape up their behavior and respect her word. I'm not. At all.
At present, she "doesn't know what to do" about her son wanting to drop out, but she's lectured him about his foolishness. It's not working, surprise surprise. Funny, I can think of several things to do for -- and to -- the boy, but all of them are probably too late, or they're actually too hard for a mother alone with a full time job and only a yes-man dad to back her up.
So... if I never see the HL's mom again anyway, what does it matter what she thinks of me in the end? And if I don't really respect M's behavior or integrity, what does it matter if we're actually friends?
It doesn't. These are his people. And he can have them.
The HL's cousin M just called to check in. We shot the breeze about not much at all, including that her aunt, the HL's mother, had a gift for me that the woman brought from a holiday trip. The HL had emailed me that if I'd accept the gift, how could he get it to me? Well, I'd hoped M could take care of it, and I reiterated that hope, which would nullifying the need for me to deal with the HL at all. Well, M said she'd rather not. She doesn't "want to get into the middle of anything."
At first I was annoyed, perhaps selfishly. What's there to get in the middle of? They're her family, after all! But then a lightbulb went off in my head. I need to be out of it with all of them, too, not just with the HL. It's not dumping the boyfriend unless it's also dumping his family, because I can't have one with having something of the other. If I need to get away from him, in other words, I have to get away from them too. So whether they know it or not, they shouldn't be buying me gifts anymore, either. It's OVER. For all of us.
Speaking confidentally, I have some doubts about M's integrity anyway, of late. She's a divorced mom of two older children, and she has an unfortunately unproductive relationship with them. In fact, she confided tonight that her son, who's a 10th grader but who should be in 11th grade, now wants to drop out of school. Her daughter lives by choice with the ex-husband, because "she gets away with more there," according to M. In fact, this little girl actually called CPS on M once in the past; M had an explanation for all that drama, placing blame for erroneous and premature judgement on her daughter's slender shoulders, but M does admit to slapping her. My mom's slapped me; frankly, maybe in that instance it was justified. But the overall pattern is one of complete breakdown. It's as though she stopped being a mom, a real mom, when she stopped being a wife. Now she's a caricature of a mom. That is, she tries, but neither she nor her ex-husband appear to have any authority or influence over the emotional or practical welfare of their children, who've fallen completely between the cracks. M complains about them incessantly and lectures them mightily, and what's more, she seems surprised when they don't shape up their behavior and respect her word. I'm not. At all.
At present, she "doesn't know what to do" about her son wanting to drop out, but she's lectured him about his foolishness. It's not working, surprise surprise. Funny, I can think of several things to do for -- and to -- the boy, but all of them are probably too late, or they're actually too hard for a mother alone with a full time job and only a yes-man dad to back her up.
So... if I never see the HL's mom again anyway, what does it matter what she thinks of me in the end? And if I don't really respect M's behavior or integrity, what does it matter if we're actually friends?
It doesn't. These are his people. And he can have them.
posted by bluedana @ 4:17 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home