Love Hurts
It's taken me two days to be able to write that the HL is now sleeping with someone new. The news decimated me, and it actually had an impact on my life through to TCMT, who HAS not called today. Before I knew about HL's relationship moving to the biblical sense, such an omission wouldn't have registered, but now, I find myself feeling vulnerable and exposed somehow, and I really resent that.
But blaming the HL is pointless. If anything, his decision making here altogether clearly supports the entire idea of how wrong we are for each other. What's important to each of us is a whole universe apart. Maybe if I ever get over the emotional residue of this relationship, we can be friends... which I think was all we ever should have been in the first place. But right now... more than a chat online (no phones... no face to face visits) is more than adequate.
Also, my feelings are my issue. It's my own sense of attachment to him that's getting me into trouble here. But I never had the guy when I HAD him, so getting upset that he's moved on so quickly -- and so thoroughly -- especially considering our disparate values is my own fault. I keep expecting more... even NOW that we're broken up... and I self-flagellate when it doesn't happen.
And TCMT hasn't called, and I'm annoyed. K says that I should remember men don't like clingy women and find them a turnoff. Well, there are men out there who'd be DELIGHTED to pay attention to me, and if TCMT is actually going to blow cold now, after blowing hot for several days in a row, that certainly tells ME something, doesn't it? And he IS blowing cold, although he was telling me only last weekend how happy he was finally to have kissed me... how he's going to be around a long time... that he's eager to move forward. Well, yeah, the way to do that is not to call me for days on end, that's for sure. That's how to keep my inclinations favorable.
I had closed down an internet dating site I had opened, just because I hadn't felt ready to make much use of it beyond browsing, but now is actually an EXCELLENT time to make some friends on there and to establish a social life, if only to avoid putting all my eggs in one basket and setting myself up for a fall. Grr.
But blaming the HL is pointless. If anything, his decision making here altogether clearly supports the entire idea of how wrong we are for each other. What's important to each of us is a whole universe apart. Maybe if I ever get over the emotional residue of this relationship, we can be friends... which I think was all we ever should have been in the first place. But right now... more than a chat online (no phones... no face to face visits) is more than adequate.
Also, my feelings are my issue. It's my own sense of attachment to him that's getting me into trouble here. But I never had the guy when I HAD him, so getting upset that he's moved on so quickly -- and so thoroughly -- especially considering our disparate values is my own fault. I keep expecting more... even NOW that we're broken up... and I self-flagellate when it doesn't happen.
And TCMT hasn't called, and I'm annoyed. K says that I should remember men don't like clingy women and find them a turnoff. Well, there are men out there who'd be DELIGHTED to pay attention to me, and if TCMT is actually going to blow cold now, after blowing hot for several days in a row, that certainly tells ME something, doesn't it? And he IS blowing cold, although he was telling me only last weekend how happy he was finally to have kissed me... how he's going to be around a long time... that he's eager to move forward. Well, yeah, the way to do that is not to call me for days on end, that's for sure. That's how to keep my inclinations favorable.
I had closed down an internet dating site I had opened, just because I hadn't felt ready to make much use of it beyond browsing, but now is actually an EXCELLENT time to make some friends on there and to establish a social life, if only to avoid putting all my eggs in one basket and setting myself up for a fall. Grr.
posted by bluedana @ 9:43 PM
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