Stupid Behavior
I've been thinking today about stupid behavior. Intentionally stupid behavior... or, I should say, people who engage consciously in behavior that, by some external evaluation, some would call stupid.
This floated into my mind because of a "Bigger Is Better When It Comes to Cigarette Warning Labels" headline on the online newspaper. Do the manufacturers or anti-cigarette types really believe such labels, however large, would dissuade would-be or existing smokers? Big labels? Do labels about condoms not being 100% effective at preventing disease stop people from having casual sex? Does it stop people when they don't have condoms from having casual sex, when they "know better?" What about P's friend T, who's leaving her marriage to a self-contained but generally kind and good man because of consuming unhappiness with "how he is," problems which she believes she has tried to solve through her marriage -- but with the carrot of the man "whom she truly loves" hanging before her, how sure can anyone be of the sincerity of her effort, especially T herself?
And since all roads lead to my marriage, what about my ex-husband's stupid behavior? He smoked, though he tried to hide it from me, and that's after watching his mother die in three months from lung cancer. He drank like crazy, and that's after seeing his brothers and sisters disintegrate from addictions. He left me, which he claimed was necessary because he didn't love me anymore, but which a big part of my mind knows has more to do with his own weaknesses and depressions of his own self, not anything external, including me.
What motivates people to make what any sensible person can see are selfish and supremely unwise decisions?
I guess I already answered it. Selfishness. Fear. Mostly fear. People who smoke, drink, engage in risky sex, or choose ever-elusive happiness over health, wellness, self-protection, and wise choices which themselves generate happiness are dumb. So I'm judgemental... I'm still right. Their fear inspires them to smoke in the face of health risks, drink in the face of legal consequences, leave their spouses in the face of recrimination, and sleep with people against any prudent delayed gratification. They want -- need -- to believe they are stronger than their behaviors. They derive some kind of twisted satisfaction at the idea that they will prevail in spite of the road they're taking, thereby legitimizing their choices.
It makes sense. My ex can smoke, drink, and believe he's mastered the gods that brought down his family -- until it happens, and it will. Nobody can live an unhealthy lifestyle and remain healthy into middle age. My ex and T can leave their marriages believing they will find the fulfillment that eluded them -- until they realize that not marriage itself, nor one's spouse, is the hurdle or the route to fulfillment, which comes from knowing you've made strong choices out of integrity and faith, and then deriving fulfillment from the action. People like the HL can sleep with anything warm and willing, because the sex is easy, especially for men who rely on such proximity to prove their masculinity and acceptability, especially for a man who in some way sees actual true intimacy with a woman as something that compromises him, not enhances him.
People are stupid.
But like I've said before, doing everything right doesn't mean a person gets everything he or she wants. I do more right than wrong, I think. I take care of myself, I love my friends and family, and I try to get stronger. But at the very least, I know I'm living right for me, and from that comes some ever-elusive fulfillment.
This floated into my mind because of a "Bigger Is Better When It Comes to Cigarette Warning Labels" headline on the online newspaper. Do the manufacturers or anti-cigarette types really believe such labels, however large, would dissuade would-be or existing smokers? Big labels? Do labels about condoms not being 100% effective at preventing disease stop people from having casual sex? Does it stop people when they don't have condoms from having casual sex, when they "know better?" What about P's friend T, who's leaving her marriage to a self-contained but generally kind and good man because of consuming unhappiness with "how he is," problems which she believes she has tried to solve through her marriage -- but with the carrot of the man "whom she truly loves" hanging before her, how sure can anyone be of the sincerity of her effort, especially T herself?
And since all roads lead to my marriage, what about my ex-husband's stupid behavior? He smoked, though he tried to hide it from me, and that's after watching his mother die in three months from lung cancer. He drank like crazy, and that's after seeing his brothers and sisters disintegrate from addictions. He left me, which he claimed was necessary because he didn't love me anymore, but which a big part of my mind knows has more to do with his own weaknesses and depressions of his own self, not anything external, including me.
What motivates people to make what any sensible person can see are selfish and supremely unwise decisions?
I guess I already answered it. Selfishness. Fear. Mostly fear. People who smoke, drink, engage in risky sex, or choose ever-elusive happiness over health, wellness, self-protection, and wise choices which themselves generate happiness are dumb. So I'm judgemental... I'm still right. Their fear inspires them to smoke in the face of health risks, drink in the face of legal consequences, leave their spouses in the face of recrimination, and sleep with people against any prudent delayed gratification. They want -- need -- to believe they are stronger than their behaviors. They derive some kind of twisted satisfaction at the idea that they will prevail in spite of the road they're taking, thereby legitimizing their choices.
It makes sense. My ex can smoke, drink, and believe he's mastered the gods that brought down his family -- until it happens, and it will. Nobody can live an unhealthy lifestyle and remain healthy into middle age. My ex and T can leave their marriages believing they will find the fulfillment that eluded them -- until they realize that not marriage itself, nor one's spouse, is the hurdle or the route to fulfillment, which comes from knowing you've made strong choices out of integrity and faith, and then deriving fulfillment from the action. People like the HL can sleep with anything warm and willing, because the sex is easy, especially for men who rely on such proximity to prove their masculinity and acceptability, especially for a man who in some way sees actual true intimacy with a woman as something that compromises him, not enhances him.
People are stupid.
But like I've said before, doing everything right doesn't mean a person gets everything he or she wants. I do more right than wrong, I think. I take care of myself, I love my friends and family, and I try to get stronger. But at the very least, I know I'm living right for me, and from that comes some ever-elusive fulfillment.
posted by bluedana @ 9:07 AM
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