Ring
I love the word ring. It can mean so many things... jewelry (and all those mostly happy associations with rings), spreading out (freedom ringing), audible sounds (phone rings), and even bad things having to do with collar stains or bathtubs.
TCMT used to say he'd "ring" me when he meant he'd call, using that lovely continental English by way of Canada. Well, tonight he DID ring me. The only reason I answered was that I thought I heard my brother's voice on the machine, or otherwise, I'd not have. I hadn't expected him to call, and I told him so.
We talked inncuously enough for a few minutes. He was light and open, telling me that his kids finally won their first game... and he both invited me to an annual party at one of his friends' house this weekend ("I will totally understand if you don't want to go, but you ARE welcome")... and he announced that he's made that infernal doctor's appointment for a blood test. And that's... fine.
Congratulations on the game, I said. No, I think I'll take a pass on Saturday, but thanks... going to keep my low profile a while. Glad you're taking care of his blood test.
Well, he will do what he will. So shall I. Other than showing me that "giving me space and time" means to him "calling occasionally and hoping that's okay" when to me it means "leaving me totally alone," it's... fine.
Though K is online right now, after some rather pointed "grilling" emails today, I have decided just not to discuss this or any other quas-romantic matters with him anymore... not to HAVE quasi-romantic matters anymore... that's what this time is all about. Anyway, I don't want to hear K lecture me that I need to tell TCMT to GO AWAY like all men right now... I know P will read this eventually, but it will be okay with her altogether.
I need time. Real time... macro time... months of time... Time with a capital letter. Calling me isn't really giving me that time, but I never said not to call, and it's one ring that in the end. Friends do call each other... he cares about me... and I've made my terms that I don't want a relationship. Everything's on my terms right now. Anyway, I wouldn't have answered if I'd known it was he; anyone can call here after all, but I don't have to answer all rings.
But TIME... time right now is my only need, my confidante, my companion, my lover, my keeper, my friend -- time and the truth. So... in the end, it's not that he called, but I don't care that he called. Let time ring.
TCMT used to say he'd "ring" me when he meant he'd call, using that lovely continental English by way of Canada. Well, tonight he DID ring me. The only reason I answered was that I thought I heard my brother's voice on the machine, or otherwise, I'd not have. I hadn't expected him to call, and I told him so.
We talked inncuously enough for a few minutes. He was light and open, telling me that his kids finally won their first game... and he both invited me to an annual party at one of his friends' house this weekend ("I will totally understand if you don't want to go, but you ARE welcome")... and he announced that he's made that infernal doctor's appointment for a blood test. And that's... fine.
Congratulations on the game, I said. No, I think I'll take a pass on Saturday, but thanks... going to keep my low profile a while. Glad you're taking care of his blood test.
Well, he will do what he will. So shall I. Other than showing me that "giving me space and time" means to him "calling occasionally and hoping that's okay" when to me it means "leaving me totally alone," it's... fine.
Though K is online right now, after some rather pointed "grilling" emails today, I have decided just not to discuss this or any other quas-romantic matters with him anymore... not to HAVE quasi-romantic matters anymore... that's what this time is all about. Anyway, I don't want to hear K lecture me that I need to tell TCMT to GO AWAY like all men right now... I know P will read this eventually, but it will be okay with her altogether.
I need time. Real time... macro time... months of time... Time with a capital letter. Calling me isn't really giving me that time, but I never said not to call, and it's one ring that in the end. Friends do call each other... he cares about me... and I've made my terms that I don't want a relationship. Everything's on my terms right now. Anyway, I wouldn't have answered if I'd known it was he; anyone can call here after all, but I don't have to answer all rings.
But TIME... time right now is my only need, my confidante, my companion, my lover, my keeper, my friend -- time and the truth. So... in the end, it's not that he called, but I don't care that he called. Let time ring.
posted by bluedana @ 7:05 PM
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