More of Me
As I was driving home from my workout today, I thought more about what I like and what makes me me. Aerobics was fabulous... I felt strong and powerful, and I like that. I can do the whole thing, even the free floor high impact, and I can keep up. It's great.
There's a weird orange light outside, as impending thunderstorms creep closer to town.
It's a sublimely wonderful thing that my semester for grad school is over... that crappy internship project is hanging over my head still, but I can live with that. For now. I can work on it when I get a chance. E graduates this weekend; not this weekend do I have a chance.
If I don't have the goal of marriage and family (is that even realistically a goal? aren't goals by definition something you can achieve? can we set as a goal something contingent on the motivations and contributions of someone else we might not find?)... what are my goals? I'd like to leave the classroom someday, but maybe not yet. Find a job where I can help adults grow professionally, in some capacity. I'd like to move to the country, where it's quiet, private, and peaceful. It's pretty quiet, private, and peaceful here, but it's still a subdivision in the suburban sprawl of a major city. I'd like to write, eventually. I think I have something to say (as much as it galls me, I think Oprah spoke straight to me the other day when she had Lance Armstrong's ex wife on, speaking about the marriage myth). I'd like to feel again. Feel that I'm wholly myself, fully in touch with my senses and capacity to add value to the planet.
What a great concept; add value to the planet.
I am doing merely my part as a teacher. I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing. If I can add value, I need to surpass what I'm supposed to do and contribute. It's like Dolly Parton and tithing. She donates 10% of her income -- pretax --as a matter of course, and she thinks it's peculiar anyone would value that. It's what she's supposed to do. Praise her for going beyond that. Being a teacher of students is what I'm supposed to do. To go beyond that, I can feel entitled to praise.
There's a weird orange light outside, as impending thunderstorms creep closer to town.
It's a sublimely wonderful thing that my semester for grad school is over... that crappy internship project is hanging over my head still, but I can live with that. For now. I can work on it when I get a chance. E graduates this weekend; not this weekend do I have a chance.
If I don't have the goal of marriage and family (is that even realistically a goal? aren't goals by definition something you can achieve? can we set as a goal something contingent on the motivations and contributions of someone else we might not find?)... what are my goals? I'd like to leave the classroom someday, but maybe not yet. Find a job where I can help adults grow professionally, in some capacity. I'd like to move to the country, where it's quiet, private, and peaceful. It's pretty quiet, private, and peaceful here, but it's still a subdivision in the suburban sprawl of a major city. I'd like to write, eventually. I think I have something to say (as much as it galls me, I think Oprah spoke straight to me the other day when she had Lance Armstrong's ex wife on, speaking about the marriage myth). I'd like to feel again. Feel that I'm wholly myself, fully in touch with my senses and capacity to add value to the planet.
What a great concept; add value to the planet.
I am doing merely my part as a teacher. I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing. If I can add value, I need to surpass what I'm supposed to do and contribute. It's like Dolly Parton and tithing. She donates 10% of her income -- pretax --as a matter of course, and she thinks it's peculiar anyone would value that. It's what she's supposed to do. Praise her for going beyond that. Being a teacher of students is what I'm supposed to do. To go beyond that, I can feel entitled to praise.
posted by bluedana @ 6:01 PM
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