March-ing On

It's Friday, and it's beautiful outside! I'm looking forward to the weekend. Right now, I have some plans to work tomorrow with the reading department, but that's the only thing on my plate. It's supposed to rain tomorrow... and Sunday... more's the pity, because I wouldn't mind going rollerblading in Galveston. Perhaps it's just as well that I stay home and do homework. Also, I tore down the wallpaper in my guest bath, so I need to spend some time painting and finishing that project, too.

I've noticed lately that I've begun VERY tentatively to start believing that the situation with the Hunky Latino is stabilizing. Our two month moratorium has come and gone... been gone for almost two weeks, even. After all of these months, I am finally losing my self-consciousness around him and am feeling more able to just being myself. I no longer monitor every single thing I say or review endlessly everything HE says. While a large part of me is still waiting for him to decide that he doesn't want me anymore, I am beginning to wonder about the wisdom of investing so much energy in it. The more relaxed I am, the easier things are between us both; I am beginning to really see that. When I AM myself, he can handle it... before, I was the one who couldn't take the risk, on some self-protective level, because it was my "self" from whom my husband walked away all-too easily. Understanding this much is progress. I am getting stronger. The divorce healing is happening. Maybe the more I heal, the better everything will continue to become.

I am considering inviting him to Dallas for Easter. He told me that he doesn't do a lot for Easter, but he might not get any time off, and he might not want to spend the weekend in Dallas. However, I'll bring it up when the time seems good, and I'll see what he says.

I became an aunt on February 21, and my very first nephew is growing like a weed! My brother and sister-in-law are over the initial hump of adjustment and seem to adore their new baby boy. My parents are, as well, utterly besotted with him. I'm slated to become his godmother, and I am very honored... I will travel home in the coming months to perform my godmotherly duty.

One Year

So today is the one year anniversary of my ex-husband's announcement that he wanted a divorce. It's also the thirty-seventh anniversary of my "boyfriend's" birthday. In a way, it's my birthday, too... the birthday of my single life, my new life, my husband-free future.

I'm supposed to go pick him up for lunch at eleven. I haven't heard from him in person for a couple of days, but he emailed me yesterday in a studied effort to be nice, though I had made plans without consulting him, and the plans didn't suit him. Maybe his birthday will be our breakup day. I've been waiting for that since we met. After our first date, such as it was, I fully expected -- fully! -- never to see him again, that we'd just have an innocent lunch and that'd be the end of it. When he kept calling, although I'll grant him he was very cool about it all and took his time, I was as surprised as anyone.

It's eight thirty now, so I have enough time for a good workout and to pack; I'm heading to Dallas, but I'm not at all ready to go. If I'm to arrive at eleven, I need to leave here by ten thirty at the latest. I have time for a quick workout, therefore. It helps to have the exercise equipment upstairs... but it IS nice outside, if a bit cold. A good rollerblade would be fun, but I'm not in the mood to enjoy one. I'm too distracted by trying to remember everything I have to coordinate to get today off of the ground.

Packing... trash... treats for Dallas... cats... it's not that much, really, but each thing takes time.

Off to the treadmill, then.

*sigh*

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I wrote here. I need to be more disciplined, because I think rereading these messages is helpful for me. What's changed since my last update on February 15?

Well, first, Valentine's Day sucked. The Latino apparently has no concept of romance, no instinct to want to please me. Of course, I did tell him I'm not much of a Valentine's Day person, and I'm not... but honestly, he didn't do a single damned thing. I said I wasn't MUCH of a Valentine's Day person, not that I wasn't one at all. I'll take this under advisement, shall I?

I don't know... there seem always to be bumps, no effort on his part to meet me in the middle. More on that later.

Life got very chaotic around the third week of February, as my dealines approached and the expectations at work became critical. February 21 to February 28, I barely had time to breathe. At the same time, I didn't have time to obsess about the Hunky Latino either, which was, come to think of it, something of a relief. Anyway, once that passed, life kind of got smoother or at least less stressful.

We had a very minor altercation this weekend when I had to defend my cat from him. He was persecuting the animal (who did start it all, truth be told). I was getting tired of his childish and rather overly dramatic behavior in chasing the cat around and making a point of disturbing him. Fortunately, he took my suggestion that he leave the cat alone unless provoked as maturely as he was immature in persecuting him. Arugh, then I invited his sister over, and that didn't suit him... bumps.

So... I took the GRE test this morning, so at least I can get graduate school the rest of the way off of the ground. That's pretty satisfying. I'm tired now, since I got up at the buttcrack of dawn, in the immortal words of my friend P. The test was early, I was up way earlier than I needed to be. I am dying to fall asleep!

Tomorrow's the Latino's birthday, and we have lunch plans before I head to Dallas for a couple of days. He has work and then class until ten at night, so there's no birthday celebrating to occur tomorrow anyway. Besides, my uncle has moved to Dallas, and he's amusingly and touchingly house proud. Apparently, he can't wait to have a bona fide house guest in his new home.

I remain conflicted... neither the Latino and I feel ready, I can tell, to surrender ourselves to this burgeoning relationship, but I suppose it's positive that we're continuing to move forward and learn about one another. Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of my ex-husband announcing that he wanted a divorce... yesterday was the one-year anniversary of the last time I saw him. God closed those windows.... but He's not sure if He wants to open a window to my current "boyfriend." I've never called the Latino that before. It sounds funny. I have a boyfriend. But I was supposed to be married for the rest of my life.